When I was a child, all I wanted to do was grow up. I spent my childhood dressing up as a nurse, playing “Teacher Teacher” with my teddies and daydreaming about being like one of those teenage girls I saw in cartoons in cute outfits living their best. My friends gave me the nickname “grandma”, due to my personal strict bedtimes (lights off at 10pm!) and for always getting along with aunties at numerous community functions. For my younger self, starting university seemed like one of the turning points of my life and a golden ticket to the beginning of my dream life.

I’ve just turned nineteen and started my first year studying Medicine. So, surely for me, someone who has waited all her whole life to make some sort of change in the world, studying for a humbling, academically rich degree in one of the best cities in the world must have been a dream. 

And it is. But at first, it didn’t feel like it.

The truth is, the bridge between adulthood isn’t as simple as it seems. 

As a child, your aims and aspirations are boundless. In the UK, all children are continually fed the idea that you can be whatever you can be, which, in a world very much filled with political and moral turmoil, is truly amazing. Our school curriculums only further solidify this. In History, we study the stories of communities of the past and marvel at how much life has advanced. In Science, students are introduced to another world; one of molecules, that determines how things function in the world around us. For many young girls, including myself, I also found myself lost in a world of books. Whilst each book was different, they were all united by the common principle of success: the knight always slays the dragon, the detective always cracks the case and there is always a happily ever after. 

In our ever developing world, I still truly believe that everyone has the potential to live their ambitions. However, the journey to getting there isn’t always the smoothest of journeys. The illusion of final destinations often blurs the hardship and difficulty taken to achieve them. Adulthood is just the same.

In childhood, many of us are wrapped in the comfortable blanket of ignorance which protects us like bubble-wrap around fragile ceramics. We live life in the comfort that if things go wrong, we have our parents to rely on and that our actions, in the grand scheme of things, won’t have huge impacts. Adulthood is different. Your responsibility is clear from the get go. You are on your own with the entire world around you.

Despite the beauty, ambition and talent of my environment and all the difficulty I had gone through to get to the position I am in now, I couldn’t help but think that I had made the worst decision. The unfamiliarity of all aspects of my life from my new room, to the new people and the new course made me feel like a complete fish out of water. I had gone from the best to hardly being able to swim above the surface. And there’s no guidebook on how to be an adult. No one sends you a warning letter in the mail that details the responsibilities expected of you. No one tells you what to do, no one seems to care.

For a while, unfortunately, it will remain overwhelming. There will be tears and confusion and countless “what if's". Whilst writing this article, I ended up calling my mum to ask whether I was even qualified enough to advise on this topic. However short my experience of adulthood has been so far, there are a few truths that I have learnt. The main one is the fact that things do, slowly but surely, get better. Here are some pieces of advice I have for others who are embarking on new beginnings 

Firstly, it is completely fine to feel nervous or even a bit disappointed at the beginning of new experiences - even if you’ve wished for something long. It’s a part of the human condition; we are always looking for more. It takes time for the rough waters to settle into a familiar lull of safe seas. In a world of uncertainty, routine is your best friend. Learn to romanticise this new stage in your life by tweaking the fine details in your life to both increase comfort and familiarity. Plan a cosy night time routine, make time to speak to your friends from home and find your favourite route to get to campus. 

One of the scariest things for me was getting to know new people and introducing myself. Put yourself out there, no matter how scary it can be! Whilst universities are infamous for their drinking and nightlife culture, the number of “sober socials” and day events is steadily on the rise. Take a breather, go to social events, get involved in societies and meet new people. An easy way to do this is changing where you sit in lectures or sitting in social spaces when working. I’m a strong advocate for getting involved with your Islamic Society or even making a routine of praying in a designated prayer room/masjid to meet peers there.

Finally, remember that Allah (SWT) is always there. As you enter adulthood, you lose a lot. You lose free time, and the ability to go on the swings in the park without judgement. But there is one thing that you will never lose; the presence of Allah (SWT). In a talk I attended recently, the speaker discussed the idea of salah being the absolute form of rahma from Allah (SWT). Our connections and relationships with others are often burdened with complications of differences in distance, time and lifestyle, but there is always the opportunity for you to pray. Allah (SWT) is always waiting for you to speak with him. Healing ailments of the heart occur when you rest your forehead onto the floor in sujood and release all the distress in heartfelt dua. Cry and be vulnerable around Allah (SWT), the All-Hearing, the Most Merciful.

Being reminded that I’m no longer a child continues to be a very bittersweet experience for me, especially as I was so lucky to have such a beautiful childhood. However, to those in similar situations, I will always advise you to remember that just because one chapter of your life closes, another one opens. Stepping into the unknown is scary, but the fruit the journey will reap will be just as sweet, if not sweeter, than the journeys of your past that you continue to reminisce over. 

That’s not to say that I have gotten over the hill of difficulty. It was half-term a few weeks ago- the first one I had spent at university whilst my sisters paraded around at home. I did tear up in my local Waterstones watching a family (three girls, mum and dad- just like my family) talk about which board game they were going to buy for family game night. I was immediately overwhelmed with homesickness and a sick feeling in my stomach by how lonely I’d been feeling. Self-improvement and life itself is not an exponential graph that argues that as time goes on, ease improves exponentially. Rather, typical of a new medical student, life is like an electrocardiogram. For the most part, life is comfortable with a few little ups and downs along the way. Big events in life will stir on spikes that will temporarily change the trajectory of your life. However, again, you will recover. Difficulties will shift into challenges that you have conquered, things you once found nerve-wracking will bubble into normalcy and things will get better.

You will be okay. I promise.