A shock to the system! That’s how Al-ʿAqrā ibn Ḥābis must have felt when he saw Prophet Muhammad ﷺ kissing his grandson Al-Ḥasan ibn ʿAlī (may Allāh be pleased with all of them). 

 "I have ten children and I have never kissed any one of them!" – he proclaimed, upon which our beloved Prophet ﷺ responded, "He who does not show mercy to others will not be shown mercy".

Apart from the apparent and quite obvious plea for Muslims to be of a merciful nature – especially for parents with their children – there is also an underlining message in the above narration that our beloved Prophet ﷺ accommodated children, accepted their presence, entertained them in front of guests as well as dignitaries, and genuinely made them comfortable around him. Unfortunately, there are umpteen examples of youngsters who experience a starkly different reality today. Many do not foster a “good” relationship with one or both of their parents. Muslims are not immune to this problem. In fact, plenty of our youngsters – particularly in the west – complain of ‘cultural dissonance’ and feel that their parents have completely lost touch with reality (or at least, ‘their’ reality). Furthermore, some parents are completely overwhelmed. They simply lack, despite their best intentions, the mental, physical, or financial capacity to engage properly with their own children. How do we overcome such challenges? How do we connect with our youth? How do we combat this rather sad phenomenon of ‘parental absence’ which far too many of our own Muslim boys and girls experience to various degrees? Researchers have long proven the detrimental effects for children who grow up without a present mother. Nevertheless, to highlight the title of this article, we must realise that absent fathers also have far-reaching consequences for children – especially in their developmental stages. Fathers must learn to prioritise! Muslim fathers must learn to embrace their God-given responsibility of qawāmah (caring leadership) much more earnestly. It is not sufficient to excuse a father’s absence with “work commitments” or other – even noble – occupations. Fathers must find time for their children! To neglect this Islamic duty is to neglect one’s responsibility. Our inactiveness or incapability to balance our tasks with doing tarbiyah (educating and nurturing) for our children often means depriving them of being successful. This is ironic because many fathers excuse their absence with the want to provide for their children a better life. However, the reality is that children need fathers to be present. They need fathers to take them out for trips and play, they need jokes and engagement. They need genuine interaction and a sincere show of love as well as compassion. Studies have concluded that,

 “in general, engagement of a fatherly figure reduces the frequency of behavioural problems and delinquency in sons and psychological problems in daughters, all the while facilitating children's cognitive development.”

This begs the question, how did our beloved Prophet ﷺ do it? He was not only a Prophet and leader, but also a family man, a father, a judge, an army general, a teacher, an imām, a statesman, a conciliator, a caretaker, and much more. He ﷺ had his hands full with many duties, but always found time – not only for his own children and grandchildren, but even for the children of his companions (may Allāh be pleased with all of them). Searching for the “how” to do this all with balance and integrity means reading the sīrah (biography) of our beloved Prophet ﷺ on repeat. For his role-modelling was exemplary and in emulating his sunnah (prophetic practice) we would unlock the secrets of more mindful and empathetic interaction with children and people at large. Outsourcing the responsibilities of tarbiyah is not an option! 

That said, realising the problems and sincerely wanting to ‘put things in order’ is the first step in the right direction. Only ambitious people will find success! Steps two and three are hard work coupled with firm īmān (belief). Allāh the Almighty reminds us of these facts and steps in āyah #19 of Sūrah al-Isrā’,  

﴿وَمَنْ أَرَادَ الْآخِرَةَ وَسَعَىٰ لَهَا سَعْيَهَا وَهُوَ مُؤْمِنٌ فَأُولَٰئِكَ كَانَ سَعْيُهُم مَّشْكُورًا﴾‏
But whoever desires [1] the Hereafter and strives [2] for it accordingly,
and is a ˹true˺ believer  [3], it is they whose striving will be appreciated.

May Allah ﷻ grant us all taufīq in this world and the next!