Migration brings new opportunities, but it also comes with unique challenges, especially for parents striving to balance cultural identity, career progression, and their children's education. As a Muslim mother and a medical professional who moved from Sri Lanka to the UK two years ago, I have encountered multiple hurdles while trying to maintain Islamic values, support my children's education, and advance in my career. This article explores key challenges and offers insights for parents facing similar situations.

Balancing Islamic Values in a Western Society

One of the foremost concerns for Muslim parents in the UK is ensuring that their children remain connected to their faith while integrating into a diverse society. School, media, and social interactions expose children to various cultural influences that may sometimes conflict with Islamic principles. I remember when my youngest child came home from school, excited about a Christmas celebration and asking why we didn't celebrate it the same way. It was a moment that made me realize the importance of having open, conversations about our beliefs while encouraging respect for others.

At home, we make an effort to reinforce Islamic teachings through daily prayers, reading the Quran together, and discussing ethical conduct. The local mosque has also been a great support system, offering weekend Islamic classes where my children can connect with peers who share the same values. However, I have learned that rather than imposing restrictions, engaging in discussions helps children understand and embrace their faith while respecting the world around them.

One incident that truly tested my approach to parenting in a different cultural context was when my younger daughter, in a casual conversation at school, mentioned that my parents would have beaten me up if I had not prayed on time. This remark was, of course, an exaggeration based on cultural expressions she had overheard, but it was taken very seriously by her teacher. I received an unexpected call from the school, expressing concern over potential disciplinary issues at home.

I knew I had to handle this carefully. I calmly explained to the school staff that in South Asian culture, certain phrases can sometimes sound harsh but are not meant to be taken literally. I reassured them that our family environment was loving and that discipline in our home did not involve any form of physical punishment. At the same time, I realized that I needed to have a discussion with my daughter about the impact of her words.

That evening, I sat down with her and gently explained that when certain things are said out of context, they can be misunderstood, leading to serious consequences, including the involvement of social services. I helped her understand that while it’s important to express herself, she should also be mindful of how cultural expressions might be interpreted differently in her new environment. This conversation was a learning experience for both of us—she gained a better understanding of communication in a multicultural setting, and I was reminded of the need to bridge generational and cultural gaps through patient guidance.

The Unfortunate Generation: Caught Between Two Worlds

Ours is a generation that carries the weight of both listening to our parents and our children. We are bound by the respect and obedience expected in our upbringing while also adapting to the modern, individualistic values that shape our children's worldview. Unlike our parents, who had the authority to dictate decisions, or our children, who have the freedom to question and negotiate, we exist in a delicate middle ground – constantly mediating between tradition and change.

This balancing act requires patience and resilience. There are times when I feel torn between my parents’ expectations of maintaining cultural traditions and my children's need for autonomy in a Western society. Whether it’s career choices, marriage expectations, or religious practices, I often find myself justifying one side to the other. Yet, I have learned that this dual responsibility, though exhausting, is also an opportunity for growth. By understanding both perspectives, we become bridges between generations, ensuring that our values evolve without being lost.

Supporting Children's Education in a New System

The UK education system differs significantly from that of Sri Lanka, requiring parents to adapt to new teaching methods, extracurricular expectations, and university pathways. When my children started school, I quickly realized that parental involvement was expected in a way that was quite different from back home. The parent-teacher meetings, homework monitoring, and understanding the grading system became crucial in supporting my children’s academic journey.

Language also played a role in our adaptation. While English is the primary language of instruction, I encouraged my children to maintain their proficiency in Tamil at home. It became a way for them to stay connected to their cultural roots while excelling in their new environment. I also found that encouraging extracurricular activities – whether it was debating clubs, STEM programs, or Quran competitions – helped strike a balance between academics and personal growth.

Managing Career Progression While Parenting

Balancing a demanding career in medicine with parenting has been one of the greatest challenges I have faced. Preparing for exams while managing long work hours and ensuring my children’s well-being often felt overwhelming. I remember staying up late to study after putting my children to bed, only to wake up early for work the next morning. There were moments when I questioned whether I could handle it all.

I was married while attending university, and I had my first baby after my second MBBS exams. Although my first was a planned pregnancy, my second child came as an unplanned surprise. By the time I graduated, I had two pre-schoolers. My parents, my husband, and my colleagues supported me throughout my journey, helping me juggle motherhood and medical studies. I still remember sitting with one child on my lap, another clinging to my left, and a book on my right, trying to focus on my studies. After my internship, I had my third baby, adding yet another layer of responsibility to my already demanding life.

It was a difficult journey, but looking back, I feel immense pride. Now, I am a mother of two grown-up children, and when I compare my life with friends of a similar age, I realize how much I have accomplished despite the odds. My children have grown up seeing me study and prepare for exams continuously, so for them, it is nothing new. However, life took another challenging turn when I lost my parents. Moving to the UK without domestic help added another layer of difficulty, making household chores and pursuing a PhD an even greater challenge.

My brother often jokes, "Whenever we ask, you always have exams. When are you going to finish your studies?"

I always reply, "Only after my death!"

The reality is that lifelong learning has become an integral part of my identity. No matter how difficult it gets, I embrace the challenges because they shape who I am today.

Bridging the Generation Gap and Parenting Differences

Raising children in a different cultural environment often leads to generational conflicts. Parents may expect adherence to traditional values, while children navigate Western norms and societal expectations. My daughter once questioned why she had to wear modest clothing when her peers dressed differently. Instead of dismissing her concerns, I chose to have a heartfelt discussion about identity, self-respect, and religious beliefs.

A significant factor in these generational differences is the contrast between traditional South Asian parenting styles and the more individualistic approach common in the West. In many of our households, strict discipline, unquestioning respect for elders, and a collective family approach dominate parenting. Parents often expect obedience and academic excellence, sometimes prioritizing these over a child's personal interests or emotional well-being. However, Western parenting tends to encourage independence, open communication, and self-expression, which can sometimes conflict with our values.

Early on, I realized that raising children in a different cultural environment meant I needed to unlearn certain aspects of traditional South Asian parenting. Coming from a background where parents often decide what is best for their children – especially in matters like career choices – I knew this approach wouldn’t help my children thrive in a society that values independence and personal responsibility.

Despite both of us being doctors, and the inevitable high expectations that come with that, my husband and I have always made it clear to our children that they are free to choose their own path. We openly tell them, "You have the freedom to pursue whatever career or future you desire – but with that freedom comes full responsibility." It’s not about enforcing our dreams onto them, but about equipping them with the values, work ethic, and faith that will help guide their decisions.

This approach wasn’t always easy – especially when you come from a culture where success is often narrowly defined. But it has helped our children develop a sense of accountability and self-motivation. They know they have our support, but they also know they need to take ownership of their choices and face the consequences, good or bad.

Conclusion

Parenting in a new country while balancing faith, career, and education is undeniably challenging, but it is also an opportunity for growth and resilience. By fostering strong communication, staying actively involved, and building a supportive community, parents can navigate these challenges successfully. As we strive to give our children the best of both worlds – academic success and a strong moral foundation – we also strengthen our own personal and professional journeys.